Rice feeding – Pasni – Annaprashan- weaning ceremony This ceremony is performed when a baby turns six months, up to one year old. It is a transitional phase between breastfeeding to food other than mother’s milk. The baby is dressed in traditional clothes for the first time they feed milk and rice. All the close families come together to feed the baby with other dishes prepared on the day. They don’t feed them all but pretend to feed as a ritual. Every family member feeds the baby with a silver spoon as a symbol serving it in pure form and not contaminated with others. The baby receives gifts, clothes, and toys as a blessing from everyone. During my rice feeding, according to my family, the ceremony was done in my nearby temple in front of the god, and few family relatives were present to feed me. I hardly have any memories as I was tiny.
Ehi- Marrying a fruit/wooden apple This ceremony is for pre-adolescent girls marrying a fruit called bael (golden apple/wood apple). Bael is a special kind of fruit that never rots or decays, it also symbolizes the Hindu god Vishnu. It is believed that, if later in her life, when she is actually married to a man and if he dies before her, then she will not be a widow. Long ago, there was a tradition of going sati ( wife scarifying herself when her husband dies). So, this tradition of marrying a bael allows her to live a healthy life with colorful clothes after her husband's death. Otherwise, she would be wearing only white clothes as a widow. Usually done at the age of 7-8 years old, which is said, a virgin girl handed over to god, and the girl gets to keep the fruit with her for life as it remains the same forever. I was seven years old when I got married to bael. It was a different feeling of being married at such a young age. Honestly, I was excited to dress as a bride and do what I was told to do. It didn't bother me. The importance of the marriage wasn’t evident then, but as a kid, we all know that this happens because we see some relatives having their daughter’s ehi. When my Ehi was done, I remember one of the girls became close to me as five other girls performed the ritual along with me during the event. So, she became good friends with me, and when we were asking if we wanted to become friends for life, we both agreed, and that’s how I have a Mitini. Mitini is a special bond of two friends that build a relationship like family for life. Both the male and female are allowed to make mit or mitini once in their life, and they will be there for you no matter what every event of the family organizes. They hold an essential relationship with the family. My mom still has the wooden apple, my so-called husband safely somewhere in her closet with my other tiny jewelry, clothes that I wore during that time. I don’t know why, but it is a very emotional thing for a mother because my mom gets into tears every single time, we talk about it.
Bartamanda- Upanayana/Janeu It is a ritual where the boy’s hair is shaved, and he is stripped to naked and a special kind of cloth used to cover his genital part considering him into manhood. In this ceremony, the boy promises to his great grandfather, grandfather, and father to stay home and perform all the ritual practices while studying, earning, living and performing ritual rites of the family). The maternal uncle plays an essential role in guiding the boy on the correct path and direction in life. If he is lost, there will be a small event where the boy runs away, and the maternal uncle catches or finds him in the family. I remember my brother’s ceremony. He cried while shaving his hair, and all of us, including my cousins, we all cried with him. When I think now, it seems silly, but it was an emotional moment. My great grandfather performed some offering, and while he was blessing my brother, he also cried so much with happiness. The ceremony Ehe and Bartamanda are different and have a different aspect to it, but since my brother and I are two years apart from each other. Recalling some memories, my brother and I had to go to school during one of the events, and we were late for the class. I still remember standing in the principal’s office. For my brother, he got more gifts like the video games and other fancy games to play, as siblings, we always fought for the gifts we got as a kid, but we also share a special bond now.
Gufa- Bahra - Marrying sun/Surya bihe The ceremony was done when I was roughly ten-year-old. It was an evening time when it was decided that I will be in a dark room for twelve days. I was terrified of the idea of not able to see the light and come out of the room. I was not even allowed to see my brother, dad, grandfather. No men were allowed in the room and strictly kept in the place. My brother got me some cassettes of music and some games to play while I am inside. The fun part was females’ friends, cousins, and relatives were allowed inside, and they would get me fruits and food that I like. The other exciting thing that we would do is scrub ourselves with the special powder made up of sandalwood, chickpeas flour with mustard oil, and some water. It is a traditional way to do it while we are in the room. We also played a stone game; it was one game that was fun to play during that time. The most sacred part was the Khayak, a doll made with cotton wool because it is symbolized as the protector while you are in the darkroom, but the thing was the scary stories everyone shared. I was scared every night for twelve days. On the twelve-day, I got the dress like the bride and the first thing I saw outside because my eyes were covered with a cloth, was the sun with my finger crossed in a certain way. I was married to the sun after that and believed that I would never live a widow life after my husband dies. It is done before the age of menstruation. The same evening, my family threw a party for all, and everybody got me gifts, and I finally got to meet everyone as an average person.
Bihe - Wedding I haven’t had the opportunity to get married to a man yet, but I have had the experience of wedding ceremonies of my best friends, cousins, and relatives. It is a lot of work and brings everything together. The wedding lasts for a week with different ceremonies from the bride’s family and groom's family. It is an emotional time for the bride’s family and friend because she is given away to the groom. The most exciting part is when the groom arrives with the band's loudest music with his family dancing to the bride’s house to perform the marriage ritual and take her with him the same day. It is a sad and quiet atmosphere after the bride leaves home. As a bride's friend and my other friends went with her to support her in her new home. We stayed till another ceremony lasted and left later at night. There are so many sarees, and jewelry brides have to change and fit into every day during the wedding, I was tired myself running around helping her and her mom. My friend was complaining about the weight of sarees and jewelry. It is like a dream until I have to face it because I was there with my friend, we cried while she left with her husband, but I don’t know how it will make me feel when I have to marry and leave my family.
Jankhu Janku is a celebration performed when members of the Newari community turn 77 years old. There are five Jankus performed during the lifetime of the person if s/he happens to live up to 106 years old. First Janku happens at the age of 77 years, 7months, 7days, second at the age of 83 years, 4months, 4days, next occurs at the age of 88 years, 8months, 8days, fourth Janku happens at the age of 99 years, nine months, 9days and the last one at the age of 105 years, 8months, 8days (after one has seen 1000 full moon in their lifetime). I got to see two of the Jankhu of my Grandfather and the first one for my granny. They were the god and goddess after their first Jankhu. So, they are forgiven for all the mistakes they have made so far in their lives. It is a birthday celebration with extra effort with the ceremonies that involve a lot of materials, particular clothes, items, jewelry for the event. It takes weeks and months to prepare for this event. My grandparents, in their first Janku, were nervous when they had to dress again as a bride and broom. They were more socially shy and less expressive until the moment when we did the ceremonies. They both cried with the pride of feeling that they could live up to this age and celebrate with their families, great-grandchildren, grandchildren, and close friends. Since we did this at home, there was a lot of responsibility in preparing the food, arranging the ceremonial altar, making sure all the guests are fed well, everyone is getting the attention, and after the ceremony. We have to send sweets to families who attend the events as gratitude for visiting.
Death – Death cremation and after ritual Sarade The unhappiest ceremony that we perform during our life when our family member dies. It was heartbreaking to face this moment when I lost my granny. She was taken to the Pashupatinath ghat, a cremation place. It was hard to believe that she was gone. In her memories were a ritual called Sarade with the priest every month for a year. My dad performed all the rituals as the elder son of the family; he wore a white dress and didn’t participate in any other event apart from Sarade for a year. At the time of my granny’s first death anniversary just a day before, we had a big earthquake. Due to which we had to postpone her anniversary for a month. I lost my grandfather too when I just got here in the United States. Unfortunately, I had missed all the monthly rituals but managed to attend one of them during the winter when I got back home. It is hard to believe that they are gone, but all the rituals that we perform in their names makes our prayers for their soul. I think they're both with me sending their blessing to me all the time.